As A Carnivore I Am Finding It Hard To Poop

I’m trying out this new thing called the “Carnivore Diet” and it turns out that just eating meat all the time is surprisingly delicious, although I would love to be able to poop again.

I thought that eating just meat all the time might be somewhat grueling at first, like only using Facebook occasionally, but it turns out that it’s actually fairly easy and pleasant. All you have to do, really, is occasionally fry up some hamburger chunks in butter. Then you get to eat that until you are super full, and voila! Health!

As I mentioned before, though, there is one aspect of this diet that is really bothering me, and that aspect is that I haven’t pooped for three days.

A man named Chad on the Facebook group World Carnivore Tribe (previously World Carnivore Month in January) told me that I didn’t need to poop when I ate the perfect food, which is meat.

Meat provides all the nutrients that I need every day. Meat is the world’s first superfood and only my tribe, the Carnivore Tribe, really understands that.

When I posted a question on the group’s page about my poop, Chad really jumped in there and gave me the dirt on the intestinal superiority of us Carnivores. Pooping is for vegans, carbohydrate addicts, and farm animals, Chad responded, and you don’t have to worry about…