These were the last few words that my friend wrote to me before she committed suicide by hanging herself with a rope.
“I truly believe that you could be anything, do anything, but you choose to be you and that I respect more than anything else.”
Every single one of us can choose to be anything.
We all share our humanity. We all share the same trials and tribulations of being a human, as well as all the joys and wonders that come with that.
Sometimes we get lost inside ourselves and life doesn’t seem all that great.
“Who am I and what the fuck am I doing?”
Then we have to figure out, again, who we are and what we are doing. And then we have to go out and do those things that only we can do.
We can choose to just get by or we can choose to suck the marrow out of life.
It is the choice between a life of bondage or a life of freedom.
My friend did not have to commit suicide.
She could have moved away from her entire situation and started a new life.
In the past she had given that a try, but she had never really cut all the ties that bound her to her past. Those ties eventually killed her.
She was suffocated by a lack of perspective.
The ironic thing is that with her final act she gave me the gift of perspective that changed my life.
Perspective is incredibly important.
When you take a step back from any situation, you can see it better.
When you take a thousand steps back from any situation, you can see it a lot better.
When you look up into the sky and see the stars, you can feel that your life is very very insignificant.
When you dwell inside of yourself, you think that your life is very very important.
In the end I know all the words in the world don’t make any difference. The words I write are for me to express all the thoughts that are inside me. When they leave me, they have their own life, and they may be of use to someone else. Inside of me they do no good.
Sometimes I wonder what my friend would be today if she could have gained perspective. I imagine she would have become a veterinarian because she cared for animals more then she cared for humans. She had a lot of talents. She could have been anything, done anything.
I will never know because she decided that the pain of her own life was too much bear on a daily basis. She decided that life wasn’t worth putting in the effort anymore.
She never found that one thing that gave her a real perspective on life.
There are a lot of things that can give you perspective on life. But what about that one thing?
Are you doing what you feel placed on this planet to do?
That’s a loaded question. Putting it this way might help: “Are you doing the thing that is your unique thing, that nobody but you can do?”
I’m not 100% there yet. I’m closer then I was 12 years ago. Much much closer — a lot of it has to do with setting aside fear after gaining perspective. Fear cannot be allowed to have the upper hand, ever.
A perspective exercise: What would you do today if all of the boundaries and limitations that you perceive are limiting your life were lifted and set aside for the day and you could do exactly what you wanted to do?
What do you want to do?
Why aren’t you doing it?
Instead of looking at our limitations, what if we looked at all the opportunities that exist all around us essentially begging us to do what we need to do, what we want to do, what we were made to do.
There is no real guarantee that tomorrow will come.